Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
