What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize