in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
