My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
