I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
