I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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