My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He did a backflip because drugs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
