Where is the hickey?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
