i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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