just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
