I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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