I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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