Can Purell be used as lube?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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