she was so not down for the gang bang
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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