i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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