why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i came on her dog
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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