im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
