But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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