I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
