i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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