Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
