just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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