I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
