Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
