Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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