so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
