swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
