I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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