Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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