The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
