So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
