How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
