I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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