Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
