wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
