last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
