why didn't you poke me back
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
