I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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