yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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