Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
