I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
