Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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