So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
