Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
