Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
