Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
