So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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