We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
