Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
