I skipped work to stalk him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
