just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
