Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
