I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
