Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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