Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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