Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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