I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
