12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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