I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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