A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
