Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
