I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
