I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
