Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
