just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
