I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
