what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
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