Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
