my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
