i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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